


A Tear in the Heart

by DraconisFelicis (Ravenhoot)



Series: Musings of the Santos Brothers [6]
Category: Caraval Series - Stephanie Garber
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-28 06:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20059507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenhoot/pseuds/DraconisFelicis
Summary: Julian and Legend discuss Legend's intentions with Tella outside the oceanside cottage.Spoilers forFinale!





	A Tear in the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I've used some direct quotes from the book in this fic, just to keep it in line with the original story. I don't want to change anything so much as just give insight into the brothers' POVs. Any direct quotes are the property of Stephanie Garber. I am not gaining anything by using them other than continuity.

“What are you doing with Tella?” Julian asked his brother firmly. 

Legend peered past him at the door, but Julian sidestepped until he was back in his brother’s line of vision. 

“I know you don’t love her,” Julian continued. He hadn’t meant to sound so cruel when he’d said it, but he wasn’t sorry. If there was one thing he wouldn’t tolerate, it was anyone, even his own brother, toying with the emotions of either of the Dragna sisters. Julian may not have ever actually been attracted to Tella, but his love for Scarlett also made him naturally concerned about Tella’s wellbeing. 

Julian suspected he knew what his brother wanted to do with Tella, but he hoped more than anything he was wrong. Julian raised his eyebrows, silently asking the question again.

“I want to make her an immortal,” Legend answered quietly. 

“You… what!?” Julian roared. He knew there was a chance Tella was eavesdropping and if so, she’d undoubtedly heard his outburst, but he didn’t care. It might be good for her to hear this. 

“Don’t look so offended, brother,” Legend drawled. “It was actually you who gave me the idea.”

Julian staggered as the weight of Legend’s confession hit him. It was enough that his brother was even considering this, but to redirect the blame for it to Julian was too much. 

“How in all the hells did I give you the idea to make Tella immortal?”

Legend regained some of the cocky swagger that naturally attached itself to him. He leaned his shoulder against one of the cottage porch banisters, weather-worn from decades of sea salt air.

“When you told me that everyone I ever could have loved would be dead one day.”

Julian’s mouth formed a tight line. He closed his eyes and forced himself to take several deep breaths to avoid screaming at Legend. He tried to bring Scarlett’s captivating hazel eyes to mind to ground himself, but once he pictured her, he grew even angrier. If Legend did make Tella an immortal, then the only one who wouldn’t be at least ageless was Scarlett. Julian would have to watch her grow old and die while he remained youthful and strong. And suddenly, Julian was furious.

“I didn’t say that so you’d just immortalize everyone you gave half a damn about! I said it so you’d actually  _ wake up _ and realize that there’s more to life than living forever and being able to do whatever you want because you know you’ll just come back to life if something happens!”

Julian was surprised that his brother hadn’t tried to interrupt him by now. If anything, Legend looked mildly impressed, still leaning against the banister with his head cocked slightly to the side. Julian decided he might as well take advantage of his brother’s silence. 

“It makes me  _ sick _ every single time you die!” Julian cried.

Legend opened his mouth and held up a finger as if he wanted to interrupt, but Julian pressed on.

“I  _ know, _ you’ll come back, but you don’t understand how it feels to watch someone you love die over and over again because there’s nobody that you love!” 

Julian raked a hand through his hair and willed himself not to show emotion. Legend didn’t respond well to anyone in his troupe getting emotional. He steeled himself for the reproachful look he knew he would get the moment he spoke his next words; Legend hated when Julian used his real name.

“Dante, you’re my brother and I love you. But I’ve been alive and by your side long enough to know that you’ll never reciprocate that love. And I’ve accepted that.”

As Julian expected, Legend stiffened and a muscle ticked at the corner of his mouth. 

“But?” Legend pressed. 

“But Tella hasn’t. It isn’t fair to ask her to become immortal and watch her sister grow old and die.”

“Fine,” Legend barked. “If this is about Scarlett, I’ll make her immortal too.”

Julian growled in frustration. “No, you won’t. Don’t you go anywhere near Crimson with a drop of your magical blood. The answer isn’t to just make everyone immortal.”

Julian knew he was getting nowhere with his brother. He couldn’t make him see things from his perspective, which was the whole problem. If Legend could see Tella the way Julian saw Scarlett, they wouldn’t even be having this discussion. Julian wished he could make his brother understand. 

Not for the first time, Julian felt the crushing weight of disappointment that even Tella hadn’t been enough to make Legend love. Julian let out a despondent sigh and closed his eyes. 

He wished he could see Crimson. She could bring Julian back to his center. Strangely, it seemed she was both the anchor that kept him grounded and the spark he needed to take risks all at once. He idly clutched the tattooed star on his forearm as he thought about Scarlett. The gesture did not go unnoticed by the eldest Santos brother. 

“Julian, I need you focused,” Legend urged, a hint of genuine desperation in his voice. “This fight with the Fates isn’t one I’m confident we can win and I need my brother with me.” His coal-black eyes showed a hint of gold, but it didn’t shine brightly like it did when he was enthralled; rather, it was dull and muted. Even then, the pleading look in them was unmistakable. 

Julian was taken aback by the raw display of vulnerability his brother was showing. He knew how manipulative Legend could be in order to get what he wanted, but Julian sensed that wasn’t what this was. Legend couldn’t love, but he could hurt and right now, it was clear to Julian that his brother was in pain. From what, Julian couldn’t say for certain. Perhaps it was from the physical and mental strain of trying to use more magic than he usually did outside of Caraval. Or perhaps it was from trying  _ not  _ to love Tella in order to keep his immortality. Whatever it was, Julian could see it was wearing his brother down. And because Julian was mortal and could love, despite himself, he felt his heart soften for his brother’s plight. 

“Brother, I  _ am  _ with you,” Julian assured him. “I’ve always been with you. It shouldn’t even be a question at this point.” 

Legend met Julian’s eyes. They were lined with something Julian couldn’t remember ever seeing before… sorrow. 

“You  _ were _ always with me,” Legend corrected. “Before you fell in love.”

Julian’s mouth fell open and he immediately wanted to argue. But as he thought about it, he had to admit to himself that his primary concern since all of this mess with the Fates started had been for Scarlett. He suddenly felt ashamed. He loved Scarlett but he knew she wouldn’t want him to forsake his own brother. 

“I need your head here and not on Scarlett,” Legend said, as if he knew where Julian’s thoughts had instinctively gone. “I won’t argue that she’s put herself in a dangerous situation, but we’re all in danger. Trust me, I would much rather allow Tella all the time she wanted to consider the offer, but every day she refuses is another day I could lose her forever. The Fates are hellbent on making our lives miserable and they seem overly fixated on the Dragna sisters.”

Julian looked up at his brother with hooded eyes, heavy from lack of sleep. His concern about Scarlett kept him awake or at best, gave him fitful sleep full of horrid nightmares. He wondered if he had the ability to make Scarlett immortal, would he do it. He immediately told himself no. He fell in love with her because of who she was. Her tenacity and how fiercely she loved was part of why he’d fallen for her. He wouldn’t dream of asking her to change who she was. And Legend shouldn’t try to change Tella. 

“Brother, if you care about her at all, then you should let her go rather than try to change her.” 

Legend’s eyes flashed with pain again. It was only for an instant and if Julian had been looking anywhere else besides at his brother he would have missed it. But it had been there. The idea of letting Tella go made him distraught. Just as quickly as it had appeared, it was replaced with an expression Julian hated - one of indifference. Legend was shutting down, shutting him out. 

“That’s her choice to make, not yours. Although you didn’t object when I told you that a blood oath could make you ageless,” Legend added coldly. 

Julian was determined not to show any sign that his brother’s words stung him. “And I hate myself for it sometimes.” He could feel himself growing angry again. It was as if the past few minutes hadn’t even happened. “I hate not just watching you lose yourself piece by piece, but benefiting from it. Saints take me, Dante, but I’ll admit I sometimes wished that you  _ wouldn’t  _ get exactly what you wanted so you might learn that there’s more to life than… this. Then I saw you with Tella. I thought, maybe after you saved her from the deck, you would change.”

Legend regarded him with his stoney look of indifference. “If I’d changed, I’d be dead.”

“You don’t know that,” Julian pressed. “You might have done things differently. You know you can’t die permanently, so you’re careless with your life. I can’t stop you from that, but don’t be careless with  _ her  _ life too.” 

Legend was staring at the weather-worn planks of wood that made up the modest porch. He dug his boot into one of the more prominent cracks but said nothing. 

“Do you remember what the game was like when it first began?” Julian asked. 

“I try not to.”

“You should. It was fun.” 

“It was barely a traveling carnival,” Legend said gruffly. 

Julian grinned, though Legend was still staring at the ground and didn’t see it. “It was. But it still inspired people to dream and believe in magic. It made  _ me  _ believe in magic.”

That made Legend finally look up at him. “But you know magic is real.”

Julian raked a hand through his hair again. He was getting somewhere, so he wanted to choose his words carefully to prevent his brother from shutting him out again. “Just because something is real doesn’t mean you believe in it. The Fates are real, but I don’t put my faith in them. I used to put my faith in you. Saints, I thought the sun rose and set on you. In the earliest days of Caraval, I used to watch you in awe and wonder and I wanted nothing more than to be just like you. I want to do that again. I know you can be better than this.” 

Legend let out a humorless laugh. “When did you become such an idealist?”

Julian sighed. “When I met a girl who loved her sister so much she was able to wish her back to life. You might possess magic, but love like that is real power.”

Legend closed his eyes for a long beat. Julian sensed the conversation was over… he just hoped he made some kind of impression on his reckless older brother. 


End file.
